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Snakes!

April 22, 2011

I called the wildlife expert to come deal with my snake. He did a “snake inspection.” to make sure we did not have a nest of baby vipers, other than the ones we call “children.”

He found a nest of snakes, but they were grass snakes, so it was all good. If the cottonmouth is lurking in my yard, it’s not lurking in any of the usual places. As he left, the snake guy said to Chris, “Good luck, man.”

I know that’s guyspeak for “You seem like a good guy and your wife is a complete bitch.” The snake guy was a good guy. I’m sure I was a complete bitch, and hysterical, and I bet he thinks it wasn’t a cottonmouth after all, but just a water snake.

I am sure it was a cottonmouth, and I am also sure that having found out that I had cancer four years ago informed my reaction to finding a snake in my yard. I could draw so many parallels between discovering a large venomous snake coiled up in my garden striking at my dog and discovering that I have cancer, but I think they are two separate, if equally shudder-producing experiences.

Also, there is no possibility that the cancer could, like the snake, have just gone on its way leaving no trace. I know that there isn’t, because I ask my doctors every time I see them.

From → Dog, Garden

2 Comments
  1. Mara permalink

    I know this was not supposed to be funny. But you’re too funny dearie.

  2. Your last statement is a bit ambiguous, so I don’t know how you stand on the subject of the presence or absence of the cancer. Do you believe it’s hanging around hidden and just waiting to attack again, or are you free at last ? I hope you go for the latter interpretation–FREE!

    You wrote, “Also, there is no possibility that the cancer could, like the snake, have just gone on its way leaving no trace. I know that there isn’t, because I ask my doctors every time I see them.”

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