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Heresy

April 20, 2011

Good Friday marks the fourth anniversary of my first chemotherapy treatment.

Rather than ponder spiritual resurrection as it applies to life after cancer, I’ve been avoiding people and messing with my garden so that when the Easter bunny stops by my house, he’ll be inspired to leave me a lot of Swiss confectionary. I’m gunning for marzipan this year. Furthermore, as an Episcopalian, I find myself asking the question, “What do I wear to church on Easter Sunday?” I have a lovely new pearl-gray skirt that would look beautiful with my white high heeled sandals.

I know that I won’t break out the white sandals until Memorial Day. No matter how many people tell me it’s okay, I won’t feel comfortable.

My entire life has changed in ways that are completely beyond my control, and so I hang on to the things I can control, like someone clinging to a rock during a tsunami if that rock is stupid fashion rules from two centuries ago that people today use to make bad judgements about people who are different from themselves.

Besides, if I spend all my time thinking about white shoes, I won’t think about chemotherapy, or cancer, or death and the noli me tangeresque experience of resurrection. I don’t want to deal with the big things so I focus on the small ones. That’s okay for now. It’ll have to be.

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4 Comments
  1. Magda permalink

    If you lived in New York still you would wear white peep-toes or heeled sandals all year round, with colored or black opaque tights.

  2. No I wouldn’t. But you rock that look, you and your hipster glasses.

  3. gale permenter permalink

    I really don’t follow the no white after labor day or before memorial day thing. If I want to wear it I do, and if I don’t, well… I don’t. Simple as that. Why should I let someone else’s opinion control the way I dress. I really don’t give a rat’s ass about what other people think. :0) I say wear what you want to, but I know your life is somewhat dif from mine in that respect. I will love you no matter what you wear. mmmmuuuwwwaaahhhh

  4. Jennifer in NC permalink

    Growing up in the Deep South, I only owned two pairs of dress shoes: one pair that was white and one pair that was black. I would pull out my white shoes for Easter Sunday because I always got my one new summer Sunday dress on Easter, and pastels (particularly pink) do not go well with black shoes. My mother was always appalled, but if anybody noticed, they were never rude enough to comment in my hearing.

    Thank you for asking!

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